Burnout: not just something teenagers do in cars

I think that one of the most important problems facing our culture today is burnout. You know, that feeling you get when you're run-down as hell and still trying to "have it all!" We live in a world that has placed such emphasis on efficiency and convenience and which always pushes to do more in less time, that I think we're quickly reaching an extremely unhealthy place in society.

Optimizing our lives is great and all, and we absolutely should work towards creating a life which is truly optimal, not just functional. There is nothing wrong with having big aspirations and wanting to do everything you can to get to that next level, whatever that is for you.

The problem is when that ambition, that drive, that goal becomes an obsession that we fuel with social media addiction, performance-enhancing supplements, and dysfunctional relationships. We seem to be moving as a culture towards this idea that every waking moment of our lives should be spent in the pursuit of an Insta-worthy, visually pleasing, and "important" goal that may or may not actually be moving any of us in a direction we want to call Forwards. Our planet is dying, our relationships are crumbling, our own brains and bodies are turning on us and yet we keep going, convinced that this way lies success.

I'm thinking about this today after listening to an amazing podcast episode with Paul Chek, who is one of the most inspiring people I've ever listened to. He's definitely "down the rabbit hole" on spiritual well-being sometimes, but I think we could all use a good metaphysical slap in the face today.

I'm also thinking about this because I had a realization earlier this week: while I'm doing a really great job of hiding it and putting my blinders on and charging through my fairly tumultuous life at the moment, I'm actually pretty depressed and stressed out. I'm noticing that my body and mind are rebelling. It's hard to get out of bed in the morning, and it never usually was before. I have plenty of energy once I'm up, but I'm experiencing uncontrollable bad food cravings - I simply don't have the mental fortitude to stand up to them lately. I've been weaker in my workouts over the last month or so, and my body is showing signs of weird inflammation that I can't explain away as PMS anymore ("Where did this weird stomach flab come from?" "Why do I have a monstrous zit this morning?" "Holy hell, why do I feel like I got punched in the gut last night?"). I'm getting headaches, I'm forgetting things, I'm even having some really disturbing dreams (where normally I have none that are memorable, or if they are, they tend to be standard stress dreams - think lost in an airport or forgot an important deadline).

And I realized looking at all of this together that it's not any of the small things that I'm doing differently that are acting up in weird ways intermittently. These all add up to the big picture which is that I am stressed AF.

This past weekend I went to visit a girlfriend in NYC. It was SO MUCH FUN. Seriously, I had an absolute blast. I regret nothing - not the driving or the delicious food or the wine (yes, I ate processed carbs and drank a fair amount of red wine...I know this is contrary to my Message, but let me be clear: I only visit her in the city twice a year and for those special occasions I do give myself permission to indulge even though my body reminds me about it later!) Knowing that I was going to devote my entire weekend to such a busy schedule, I chose to take an extra day to allow myself to de-stress on Monday.

Life had other plans for that day for me, unfortunately. I worked out, did housework, and ran errands as I had planned...but then spent the rest of my day running around like a maniac transporting my mother from a hospital an hour away from my place, to her house which is also an hour away from my place, and still chose to hold my therapy appointment that evening instead of rescheduling because CLEARLY I'm Wonder Woman and I can do everything and be everything for everyone all the time, right? Right?

Wrong.

I know I frequently bite off more than I can chew and with what I'm going through I need to remember not to say "yes" to everything that gets offered to me. Maybe I shouldn't be so gung-ho about committing more hours than I need to volunteering at the animal shelter. Maybe I shouldn't go to that party my friends invited me to where I've already agreed to cook two dishes even though I won't be there for the whole party because I've made other time commitments that night already. Maybe I don't need to go hang out with my coworkers after work for a drink just because it's Friday. Maybe I don't need to workout EVERY SINGLE DAY. Maybe I need to guard my time a little more wisely and not jump to hang out with my friend because he happens to have some free time tonight and called to see if I want to come over.

And honestly, even while writing that paragraph I was thinking "yeah, but I have the time, I can make that all fit together, besides the Pats are on a bye week so I can fit in my chores and errands on Sunday before dinner with my soon-to-be-ex and..." seriously oh my God...

So obviously I'm not perfect. I've got some work to do...some serious work. I need to be better about acknowledging when I need more rest. I need to be more compassionate with myself when I decide to be a couch potato for a few hours and sneak a piece of Halloween candy (or ya know...binge several episodes of Stranger Things and eat all the Reese's that were in the bag I bought for the neighborhood kids who never showed up) because I failed to resist the temptation.

The trick to conquering burnout, to digging out of that hole is not "work harder, do better, push further". It's accepting that right now your performance is sub-optimal and that that's okay. You cannot be everything for everyone at all times and taking care of yourself frequently looks like saying "no" to things you wish you could say "yes" to. It looks like deciding to take that nice long epsom salt soak instead of baking the second batch of cookies. It looks like leaving the party on the earlier side to make sure you'll get enough sleep. It looks like letting yourself sleep in instead of guilting yourself for not getting up early to workout. It looks like giving yourself room to breathe in your schedule and sticking to it just as rigidly as you do to any other plan on your calendar.

I know that I have a weekend ahead of me full of fun, but potentially energy-draining activities, so I'm going to set out with good intentions. I'm going to let plans fall through if it happens and not fight to keep conflicting plans. I'm going to leave room for recharging activities and not skip them to squeeze in something else. I'm also going to not beat myself up on Sunday night if I wind up feeling run-down, instead I will forgive myself and crawl into bed early - dirty dishes be damned.