Hopeful

I don't have much to say this week and I think that's okay.

This weekend for the first time in months I felt light. I'm not sure what combination of factors have aligned to make it possible but I'm not going to look too closely and jinx it. I feel like me and I feel happy. I spent most of last night giggling about goofy things and I am so relieved for this break in the clouds. I've felt so distant from the people I love lately but last night I felt connected and joyful. I don't think I'm in the clear yet, but as someone who has witnessed anxiety and depression from the outside for years, I do know it's a good sign.

Recently I've become so grateful for all the hurdles I've overcome in the last few years - every challenge I met has prepared me to get through this tough spot. I don't believe that everything happens for a reason, but I do believe in letting your past be a lesson for everything you have to face in the present. I would never wish these struggles on anyone, but I want you to know that if you're facing it yourself you are very much not alone.

You are not going to be stuck in this pit forever. There will be light. You will get through it. This will end. There will be days where you feel good again. There is hope.

I'm deciding not to dwell on the suffering in my life. The more I go over everything that sucks, the more it seems to weigh on me. I am choosing to refocus on the positive and this weekend, for no reason in particular, has been the most welcome bright spot. I'm going to do my best to remember that the next time I'm feeling overwhelmed.