The toxicity of "#nodaysoff"

I'm very strict with myself when it comes to creating and following my own rules. Normally this is a huge help for achieving my personal goals and continuing to grow and be my best every day. However, it bit me in the ass HARD a few weeks ago. 48-hour migraine hard. I wasn't listening to the signals my body and mind were sending (soreness/tightness, anxiety, difficulty meditating, moodiness/sensitivity, etc.)

I fell victim to trying to do it all: I was crushing it at work, I was working out heavy five days a week, I was saying "yes" to all of the fun things (and sometimes less fun things) with friends, I was keeping up with apartment maintenance and caring for the cat and trying to find enough time to feed my mind as usual with articles and podcasts and current events. I was volunteering at the animal shelter, running all the usual errands, worrying about every ingredient in every meal I ate, and all the while keeping up with all those adult things like paying bills, keeping my family happy, and also, ya know, getting divorced on the side. Not to mention, finding the energy and passion to write about it once a week!

My friends, I. Was. Spent.

So I took a goddamn break and my anxiety about not doing ALL THE THINGS went through the roof. But. I maintained boundaries, cut a few things I didn't need to be obsessing over every day and took stock of the things that were most important to focus on each day.

I lightened my workouts, focusing on my form instead of the numbers on the weights. I took a break from writing to refill myself with creative energy. I spent a few more nights at home with the cat or soaking in the tub instead of running off to meet people wherever I was invited. I even took a few weekends off from the shelter (though it pained me to see all those sweet kitties on the website) to make sure I had time to do what I needed to do and also had time to relax and take care of myself. I watched some silly movies where I got the excuse to turn my brain off. I pared down my responsibilities to what I really needed to accomplish one day at a time and forgave myself for occasionally leaving dishes in the sink until the next day.

And no one died. :)

Surprisingly, even to myself, I did not fail at adulting by taking a break. In fact, I believe that we do a lot of growing when we take a step back and choose our priorities more carefully and work towards the goals that are most important to ourselves.

Even though stress may not be obvious - when you think you have everything under control and contingency plans in place and you feel like you're doing everything you can - the stress is often still there in your body and in the dark corners of your mind.

It is still affecting you even if you're not aware of it, so you need to take a day off. In fact, you probably need to take several days off. You're going to feel like a lazy bum, but you need to give yourself time to recover and reset.

I've said it before, but this culture of "hustling" and outworking everyone else and being "busy" all the time is not the way to live a healthy life. It's easy to get swept up in it and think that we just need to tough it out or hang on just a little longer and then we can relax. If you're even thinking to yourself "okay just one more set and then I can stop", it's probably time to stop. Pushing every last ounce of effort out of yourself every day is a recipe for disaster. There's a time and place for "leaving it all on the field", and that should not be your default mentality.

Take. A. Breath.

If it's something you're dreading like a deadline or planning an event or making a decision, then you need to take it easy until you're on the other side. By all means, do the work to do that thing correctly, but maybe give yourself a break elsewhere. Get a little more sleep. Be a little kinder in your self talk. Say no to a few other "obligations". Give yourself the space you need to kick ass at the important things and allow yourself to shift your priorities accordingly.

I assure you, you'll come out the other side feeling more refreshed and better prepared to handle whatever comes next.

...And sometimes, unfortunately, even after doing all of these things and doing them right, the anxiety comes back.

Even though you're doing a great job the anxiety is just still there - white noise in the background of everything you're kicking ass at.

This is where I struggle the most. This is where I feel completely inadequate. It is so hard to make it through these times. You feel like you're pushing and pushing and fighting for every inch but at least you're making forward progress ever so slowly. But you can feel the toll every inch is taking on you mentally and physically.

One of two things needs to happen and unfortunately I don't know that I ever know which one is the right answer. You can keep pushing and fighting for every last millimeter and maybe that gets you to where you can breathe again because you've finally gotten as far as you need to right now - you've gotten over that last hurdle and the universe lets you coast for a little while. Or you can just stop pushing, take a breath, let everything go. You can concentrate on letting go of what isn't working, and I swear that every time I've done this, eventually (sometimes a long painful time later), things fall into place without me and suddenly I realize the breath I've been holding for months.

It is really hard to remind myself to take a break. Right now I am sick to death of giving myself slack and lightening my load and feeling like I will never be where I want to be if I'm not working as hard as I possibly can every moment of every day. Now that I'm used to living on my own, I'm finding it even more difficult not to always be in the driver's seat. I'm trying too hard to direct my own trajectory in the face of things that are completely outside of my control - especially at work.

So once again, I'm going to take my foot off the gas - but this time in different areas than before. I'm going to focus more on my writing and creativity and creating space to read and feel stimulated by my experiences. I'm going to focus more on the new opportunities that may just be the one magical puzzle piece that falls into place. I'm going to let my body regulate itself, I'm going to stop trying to push so hard against the obstacles that don't feel like they're moving, or at least not in the direction I want to go. All the while my anxiety is going to be screaming at me that if I'm not in control of everything I'm failing to be a person. But I'm pretty stubborn, and I know that eventually I'll find the right places to exert my focus and my drive and I'll make it over whatever hurdle is holding me back.

How do you handle stress? Where can you relax today so that you have more energy to succeed tomorrow? Tell me your secrets!