How I learned to stop worrying and love my body

I asked myself this afternoon: "If I stopped writing tomorrow, what would be the one thing I'd regret not writing about?" Instantly I had my answer - there is one thing that is closest to me heart right now. There's a lot of advice out there now about loving yourself and self-care and mindfulness, and this is a great thing. So the task I'm laying out for myself today is to compile the best advice I've read and to translate my own body image journey in the hopes that it will help even one of you to become the best version of you that you can be for yourself.

Because that's one of the keys I've found: if you're trying to love yourself because someone told you to (myself included), if you're trying to be better for someone else, if you feel pressure from the outside in to improve, it will not work - at least not for long. It's been said in many ways that the only way to make real change in your life is if you want to change.

So for this first hurdle, I recommend you get quiet and comfortable someplace by yourself and just listen. By quiet, I do not mean silence or solitude; I don't mean you have to go on two-week silent meditation retreat in the Alps (although if that's what you need to be able to listen to yourself, I've heard great things.) For many people, however, that is the opposite of what makes them comfortable. You know yourself, you know how you feel safest. Find the place where you feel the most whole, the most "you" and try to be there fully with the sole intent of listening. For most people it's a quiet room in their home with no one else buzzing around them, but for some it's a park bench and for others it's a noisy but cozy cafe. Find your place, and focus on asking yourself one question: "How can we be friends?"

You may be very surprised at the answer you hear, or you may not hear anything yet. No part of this process will be quick or easy. Don't get discouraged if you have a hard time listening to yourself, because I had a hell of a time finding my quiet little voice in all the noise I had packed into my own head. It sounds like voodoo, I know, but we are taught from a very early age to always answer questions and if we don't have the answer, we seek it out instinctually or we guess and hope we're at least heading in the right direction. Being still and asking yourself with honest intentions how to treat yourself with love and care should help you get in touch with your insecurities so you can learn to love yourself unconditionally.

What it comes down to is treating your body in loving ways with respect. Self-talk is a big part of this, but it's also about eating foods that make you feel good and taking time to pamper yourself and feel beautiful inside and out. It's about checking in with your inner voice about big decisions and making sure you have good boundaries in your life. This doesn't always mean treating yourself like a delicate, breakable thing. I learn over and over that if I tell myself I'm not strong enough to do something, I never will be. It's about learning what's important to you and fighting for it and also realizing when you need to cut yourself some slack and when you need to be harder on yourself to motivate you to do your best.

An easy way to start on these seemingly insurmountable obstacles to self-awareness is to shift the way you talk to yourself about yourself. Here, I have a few examples I've stumbled upon just over the last few days:

1. "Dear Body, Can I Have a Word?" (additionally these other essays from the same submission prompt)

2. A note from The Bloggess on resisting that guilty feeling that sometimes comes with taking time for self care:

"...I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think so many of us struggle with the thought that it’s okay to take care of ourselves, and it’s strange that it’s a struggle to treat ourselves as kindly as we treat the dog. The dog needs walks, and healthy choices and water and play and sleep and naps and bacon and more naps. And love.
I need that too. And so do you.

It’s not just a gift we give to ourselves…it’s a duty.

I’ll remind you if you remind me."

3. A newsletter email from Stella Grizont (who created the Vision Generator I've credited with giving me the push I needed to make one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make). Make sure to sign up for her newsletter if you like what she has to say:

"...I realized that I could be more self-empowering if I just chose to repeat a different story about myself to myself. So lately, this is what I'm reprogramming the whispers to sound like:

'I'm the kind of person who takes great care of herself and who has an abundance of energy to share. My body is strong, healthy, and vital and my life is beautiful and rich!'

Even though the belly is still there (for now) - I notice that I feel better and make better decisions when I remind myself of that new story.

Now it's your turn. Fill in the blank with a positive statement about the kind of person you are (even if it's been a while or you're that not person 100% of the time):

'I'm the kind of person that... '

Here are some examples to get you going:

'I'm the kind of person that ... is an authentic leader, is creative, is kind to others, listens well, takes good care of myself, has great boundaries, makes wise financial decisions, knows how to have fun, practices being in the moment, etc.'"

These ladies perfectly explained all the things I want to say about self talk. Your body is your home, treat yourself with the same unconditional love you have for your pets, and change the way you talk about yourself and your goals, because it all does matter so much.

Loving your body is an ongoing process. Some days are better than others, and some days you won't like yourself at all. This does not mean you have failed.

Let me say that again.

You have not failed at loving your body if sometimes you wake up and look in the mirror and experience displeasure with what you see.

Gently remind yourself that you are trying your best to love yourself, and you will continue to succeed more often than not. Your body is so much more than what other people see and even more than what other people think about what they see. If you're a mom, your body is an incubator for precious life. If you're single, your body is your most sacred possession and no one can take it away from you. If you're unsure about your very identity, your body is probably a source of intense discomfort and unease, but if you listen to it closely it will tell you what it wants from you and as long as you treat those answers it gives you with respect, you can make it into a home you're proud of.

The best things I've done for my body happen to be related to nutrition and fitness because my body told me it could do more than what I was asking of it. When I asked what I could do to treat my body with more love, I knew I could be stronger and feel better by making some changes and it worked for me. I'm in the best shape of my entire life at 30 and I never once imagined it would be possible to feel this good at this age, but I listened to what my body told me and I worked hard to succeed at it. I know now when to push myself and when to rest. I know how to create healthy boundaries in my life to create the space I need to be the best self I can be. I don't always do these things perfectly, but in being a better listener I can figure out how to be better most days than I was the day before. And most importantly: I am doing all of these things because I listened to myself, not to anyone else.

What is the most loving thing you've done for your body? What's something you struggle with when you talk about yourself? What inspires you to care for yourself unconditionally?

I love you all even if you don't love you today.