...huh?

I'm in a funk today because I didn't sleep well last night (for seemingly no reason) and there's a lot on my mind that I haven't figured out how to talk about productively yet. So to take a break from complaining and/or giving unwarranted advice on how someone like me can get through what I've been through (get a load of that self confidence, huh?) I'm going to have fun with something that I notice all the time working on this blog.

Stock imagery is kind of a crapshoot. When it's good, it's great; when it's bad, it's really REALLY bad. I imagine every online content creator experiences this while they're scouring license-free media to accompany what they're working on, but sometimes I find myself really scratching my head and struggling to come up with a story behind an image.

For the vast majority of even the bad content I can at least figure out what the intent behind an image was. Maybe someone is experimenting with some technical aspects they're not comfortable with, maybe they're helping someone new to modeling build their portfolio who doesn't know how to relax yet, maybe a stylist didn't quite nail the shoot, maybe there's even some cultural significance I don't understand. But every once in a while an image catches my eye that truly stumps me.

So here are some of my favorite "what were they thinking?" moments:

1.

I. Have. Questions.

Why is the pineapple here? Why is she holding it on her head? Does she have an idea and the pineapple is the closest thing she has to a lightbulb to illustrate that? Is she using the pineapple to apply pressure to an unseen head wound? Did the photographer want her to balance the pineapple on her head but it started falling?

I fear I will never solve the mystery of this pineapple; my life will forever feel incomplete.

2.

Ahem.

This gentleman appears to be wearing some kind of hand-made papier mache devil mask, and I guess he's depressed about it? I'm getting a very emo feel from the slumped posture in a brightly lit windowsill... but overall, I've got nothing. Your guess is as good as mine.

3.

This image has everything you could ever want: a gallon drum of Chanel No. 5 in which a few tendrils of a plant are being grown, a fun glass vase of said same (fake?) plant, and a big, black, ominous-looking balloon. Some commentary on the opulence of high-end perfume marketing, perhaps? I guess it's a nice stark concrete room though... lots of utility to a space like that - great for storing all your gallons of brand-name fragrances.

4.

I'm stumped. Is this man combining his love of women's hairstyling and his passion for Hellboy-esque cosplay? Even the other folks on this crowded sidewalk seem to be confused, not to mention the woman's expression doesn't seem to exude confidence in the choices that led her to costar in this bizarre portrait. But hey, follow your passion, my dude.

5.

Sad clowns - check. Awkward body-language - check. Moody urban scenery - check.

Also, anyone care to tell me what a clown would need to carry in his backpack?

6.

I guess maybe the creator is going for a sense of claustrophobia, or of being trapped, or maybe commenting on barriers in general...but there doesn't seem to be a sense of urgency, or on the flipside, of spoof/comedy/lightheartedness. Just total confusion on the part of everyone involved here I think. Help, let me out of this never-ending onslaught of bad stock photos!

7.

Tortellini + burlap = love?

'nuff said.

8.

Winner of world's strangest wet t-shirt contest? I'm not going to pick a fight with her though, seems like she would gladly kick my ass.

9.

Another head-scratcher in the "random collection of things, but also a disembodied appendage" category. I guess the person to whom that hand belongs really loves cucumber water and the only way they could express it was to gently caress a bottle of it lying on a table next to a length of black cord of some sort.

10.

I saved the best for last. This is the image that put this idea in my head in the first place. I won't spoil it by giving you my synopsis; you can decide for yourself what the particular "what-the-fuck"worthy attributes are. Just bask in the glory of its terrible-ness!

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed creating it.

I love you all - deal with it.