On the smallest victories that feel so enormous

I am filled with an absolutely silly amount of pride in myself for something I did this weekend. In reflecting on it, it seems like nothing, but for me this is everything. This is about conquering one of my biggest fears I've had for as long as I can remember and it was a flawless victory.

Wanna know what I'm patting myself on the back for?

I spent the whole weekend by myself. The real, honest victory of it? I didn't feel anxious about it for even a moment.

I loved every second of it, you guys.

I have had fewer than a handful of weekends with actually NO PLANS in many, many years. This happens when you move in with someone straight out of college - even when you as a couple have "no plans", you still by default have each other.

Since separating from my husband, I have wound up having a couple weekends with fewer plans to distract me than I otherwise would have liked. They always turned out fine, but inevitably led to some pretty awful anxiety and/or existential ennui. I have literal separation anxiety from people. Don't get me wrong, I love the hell out of some solid solitude, but I like to plan for that in advance and I really like it to be brief. An evening and an afternoon separated by hanging out with someone in between is about as much as I can usually take without getting too far in my own head and starting to feel anxious.

This past weekend sort of snuck up on me; I just hadn't given it any thought until it was upon me and I was staring at a blank calendar for the ENTIRE WEEKEND (I mean, not even a Pats game to look forward to, come on, universe! What the hell?). And to top it all off, we were expecting the first snow of the season and I'm the only person in my building with a shovel.

Obviously there was a little apprehension at that moment.

Fortunately, I had stumbled across some promising looking (guilt-free) baking recipes I happened to have the ingredients for, I had Christmas movies to dive into, I had a warm fluffy animal to snuggle up with, and Netflix was kind enough to release the second season of The Crown (if you haven't watched it yet, allow me to be the hundredth person to recommend it to you). I was as prepared as I was ever going to be.

And you know what? It was utterly magical.

I spent my days shoveling (great refreshing exercise) and baking (and eating) and I spent my evenings snuggling on the couch with the cat and pampering myself. P.S. If you haven't discovered the life-changing magic of existing only by candlelight after dark yet, you should change that tonight. For real.

I ended my cozy, solo weekend with an hour-long candlelit soak in the tub. I blasted the water as hot as it would go, poured in some epsom salt and essential oils, lit my candle, and crawled in with a new book of poetry and a cup of tea. I can honestly say it was a transformative experience. A long bath is such a luxury and I feel it's a completely underrated practice. There is nothing more relaxing and we can all find 30 minutes in our week to take a damn break and recuperate from the stress of our everyday lives.

I wound up absolutely glowing, not just with hydrated skin, but with pride in myself for having gone to a vulnerable and uncomfortable place in myself all weekend and for having stared it in the face and come out better than I was before.

I'm sure to many this will seem completely frivolous and not something deserving of a whole blog post, but it was momentous for me. I feel like a lot of bloggers are introverts by nature, but I hope that this can prove to another extrovert that it's possible to really live in yourself for a while and become a better you on the other side, and also that it's okay to be unsettled by the idea of so much time alone.

So share with me, what's something silly that you've accomplished that you're pretty stinkin' proud of? What's the secret accomplishment that you've patted yourself on the back for that it seems like no one else would understand? I want to hear them, and I bet they're a bigger deal than you think!