On trying new things when you're feeling down

Yesterday was a surprisingly tough day for me. It would have been my third wedding anniversary with my husband and I didn't expect to feel as raw and emotional about it as I did. I planned ahead to be distracted "just in case" and so I'm forever grateful that my best girlfriend was there for me (for like the nine millionth time...you could say she's the best; I say it all the time).

Being un-married has been hard at times (which is how I'm referring to this state I'm in...it feels appropriate, someplace between the ugly terms of being "separated" and "divorced" or "single" is this nice gray area where all I am is "not married any longer" - I have an "un-marriage"), but for the most part I've had my emotions in check. I feel sad sometimes, I feel anxious sometimes, I feel overwhelmed sometimes, but for the most part I've maintained an even keel. I wasn't anticipating that every time I remembered that it was my anniversary I would inadvertently burst into tears. I was totally fine at work when I was busy and focused on other things, I was fine running errands (and by "fine" I mean in typical New Englander fashion I was in some way outraged by every other driver on the road) but every time the reminder of what day it was crept into my conscious thought I was helpless to fight the tears springing up in my eyes. It was unsettling to realize that maybe I don't have this whole thing as completely under control as I thought.

Nevertheless, I was able to have a productive day at work (and thank God for my coworkers who never fail to make me laugh, seriously I LOVE my job) and then got in my car to get stuck in traffic for an hour on my way to dinner with my BFFL. I always get a little pensive in the car, music playing, thoughts wandering. I think it's a holdover from growing up being trapped in the car for every trip we took (my first time in an airplane wasn't until I was 16). My only defense from boredom and the pestering of my older brother for the 16ish hours it took us to get to the family summer cabin was my handheld cassette tape player (yes, pre-walkman and discman...I'm old) and the passing scenery through the window.

I caught myself being disappointed that I could only make it three years into marriage before I bailed, and had to remind myself that before those three years there were four more where we lived together, and three more before that where we were inseparable in college. We rarely had plans that didn't include the other person, we were very much a single unit. So I'm doing my best to cut myself some slack - 10 years is a long time to be with someone. There was a lot of happiness and a lot of sadness in there. There was 10 whole years of the big things and the small things and everything in between.

So by the time I got to dinner I had mostly composed myself and I was able to have a wonderful time exploring a totally new cuisine. I'm big on trying new things, especially when it comes to food, and I'm lucky enough to have a suitably adventurous gal pal to share this with. We delved into attempting to try almost every dish on the menu of a lovely little Afghan restaurant in town and, Holy Crap, every bite was DELICIOUS! We had sambosas and qurooti (pictured above...I'm not above instagramming my dinner), then sampler plates of kadu borani, sabzi chalaw, shola, banjan borani (to-die-for eggplant dish), beef short ribs (absolutely mouth-watering), kofta, and kabob-e-kobeda, then finished it all off with a hefty slice of an Afghan-style almond cake that reminded me of something I had in Turkey many years ago and was the perfect way to end an amazing meal (unfortunately not pictured...we were so into our meals that I failed to document it all...). We tried everything regardless of any "rules" either of us have for healthy eating. Every once in a while I believe it's good for the soul to throw out the rulebook and just enjoy a great meal. By the end of dinner I was completely satisfied and felt emotionally reset by the experience. Great food and better company I strongly believe can fix all the world's problems.

I also believe that there is merit in getting outside your comfort zone when you're feeling a little vulnerable. It's good to shake things up a bit now and then, and even better to get out of a funk. I could have cancelled dinner and wallowed with my cat instead - and it's possible that sitting in that emotional state would have brought me some insight - but today I feel right as rain. Going out and giving something new a try was exactly the kind of stimulus I needed to keep from feeling victimized by my circumstances. I am not defined by being un-married. Instead, I'm defined by loving to explore new foods, finding massive enjoyment in moving my body and working out, being great at my job, investing time and energy into my inspiring friendships, and all the other things that make up who I really am and how I show up authentically to the people around me every day.

So the next time I feel unsettled and upset, I'm going to reach out to my dear friends who are always there for me and we're going to go on an adventure instead!

Bonus - When I realized that I had failed to take any pictures of the rest of our unbelievable meal: